Pills and Potions
by A Rabid Fan
Summary: Warning: Beware creepy old ladies with neon pink love potions. They tend to work. Saku!Centric. Saku!Multi
1. In Which It all Starts

To put it simply, Sakura was weirded out.

When she had finished her mission, healing this Village out in the middle of nowhere, all she had wanted to do was go home, take a long warm shower and sleep in her soft mattress. Then wake up at the crack of dawn to help out at the hospital as she was the head-medic after all (Booyah suck that Sasuke)

Instead she was stuck here. With a old, creepy lady praising her every move and shoving a bottle of "Super-Duper Romantic Empowering Love-Capturing Cupid's Kiss Sure to assure that your Love Interest is Captured" and wanting her to take it.

Sakura was fed up.

"Miss. I don't need that….perfume. You see I'm a Shinobi. There is no need for something like that especially as I am not seeking" Sakura paused, looking disgusted. "…Love right now. So thanks but no thanks. The payment for the complete mission is enough."

"But its special! And Rare! 100% guarantee to work, one spritz and everyone will fall in Love!" The Creep replied, sounding like a corny ad as she uncapped the bottle.

"Last one, totally free just for you!" She finishes, thrusting it closer and practically hitting Sakura in the face.

"No. Thanks. Now I must go as the mission is complete." Sakura says dryly. "Save it for yourself." **_Heavens knows she'll need it right!?_** Inner Sakura laughs.

Sakura shoves her back into that tiny, locked up box she had escaped. She had a large enough headache without Inner helping.

"but..but" The lady replies, tears appearing in her eyes.

 _She needs to be at least 50 years younger for that to work. No way would it help her._

Sakura bows, internally sighing before readying herself to leave. She just wanted to go home now.

The lady made a move forwards, leaning as if to hug Sakura. Then she poured out the neon pink liquid all over Sakura.

"uhoh" she giggles, fanning her wrinkled hands. "I'm sorry I'm just such a klutz especially at this old age. You know I can barely see anything. You must forgive me, honest mistake."

Sakura just stares. The liquid was dripping through her hair, and the overpowering smell of sakura blossoms filled the air. She couldn't find the irony funny.

"Miss." She starts, deadly fury tracing her voice. "I am a Shinobi. I have enemies. Enemies have noses and I am doused, covered, enveloped in enough perfume to kill a horse! Now tell me how on earth will I be hidden now?"

"Tut tut don't worry dear girl." The hag waves it off. "Its special, the scent will fade away in minutes."

Sakura continues to glare.

 _Ughh if that, that bitch wasn't our client I would strangle her. So fucking hard._ She can't help but imagine it, perhaps a little love tap that went wrong?

But then Shisou would definitely get on her ass and that old hag was a civilian even though she moved pretty fast.

Sakura sniffs the air, surprised as the scent did seem less overpowering. Glancing down, she realised that the liquid was fading away, almost as if it was seeping into her skin.

"Now. This ultra-special perfume works on all those of the opposite gender, in this case men, with strong enough noses, or enough chakra to register it! Thats why its special" the Bat continues, unaware that the Sakura had been planning her death. "I mean we can't have every guy chasing you right?" The hag laughs, waving her hand around.

"Normally one spray only lasts a day but, well somehow the whole bottle landed on you! I do wonder how, its bad for young ones to be clumsy no?"

Sakura stares in disbelief. Really? She was passing off the blame?

"Now its just an adventure! Have fun honey!" The lady finishes, shining her yellowed and cracked teeth.

Sakura glances down again, noticing that all the liquid was gone and she was dry again. And the scent had disappeared. Quickly scanning herself with medical jutsu she realised that there was nothing abnormal with herself. Well at least that perfume wasn't poison.

"Miss what the hell was in that?"

"Oh you know just the regular: moonshine, spider silk, unicorn hair, the souls of a thousand crying children. You know the works!" Sakura can't help but stare at this completely insane old bat.

"Now now chop, chop. Off my property I'm sure your just dying to go home!" The Crazy Lady says, shooing Sakura away like a pesky dog.

 ** _Well a bath would be nice and we could wash off that horrible perfume that crazy bitch threw on us._** Inner Sakura points out, reappearing again.

Sakura stops, thinking. _Well it would be nice. And she hated confrontations with crazy people even though they were allies of Konoha._

Mind made up, she bows slightly towards the aggravating village leader before leaping off the porch. After quickly checking her surroundings and sending a warning glance towards the elder, she turns and quickly leaves the village.

Going home at last.

* * *

 **End of Intro. Now I'm on a roll! Two stories in two days darn my muse is flowing. Alright chapter two should hopefully be up soon, please be aware that this is all written with no beta. SO there will most likely be grammar problems, plot holes ect. This story is a Crack!fic and not to be taken seriously!**

 **Anyways thanks for reading.**


	2. In Which Bad Decisions are Made

**So just a reminder, the potion/perfume only works on MEN who are SHINOBI or have very developed senses. Sorry for the delay, exams are a pain in the ass. However I will attempt to publish somewhat regularly especially if I get reviews :)**

* * *

Her feet were aching, and if she hadn't been a medic-nin, her blisters would've had blisters. She really, really had wanted to go home.

Sakura was craving a long, soapy, bubble-filled bath with candles and chocolates. Bath night was only once a month after all, and today would be the day.

Mmm and then maybe she would catch up with her boys and go get some ramen.

Yes sodium was bad and all, but once in a while doesn't hurt.

Though next time she'll drag Naruto along with her to go grab a salad. With lots of chicken. And then a ice-cream after with loads of sprinkles cause, hey, she would've had her healthy meal anyways and that deserves a treat.

"Hey guys" she waves at Izumo and Kotetsu who guarded the gate as always. Mainly cause they were stupid people who, on their last mission came home with several broken bones and then earned several more after leaving the hospital without Tsunade's permission. Hence guard duty and boring C and D ranks became their punishment.

"Heyy" Izumo drawls out, slowly glancing up from his book. "…." He stops looking hard at Sakura.

 _Do I have spinach between my teeth or something? Did I suddenly grow cat ears? Why the hell is he looking at me like that?_

"Yes?" Sakura asks, tapping her foot impatiently. "Something wrong?"

"Nope, nada, nothing. You just, uhhh, look very nice, yeah nice! Today I mean. Yeah." He stutters, blushing slightly.

"Did you change your clothes, cut your hair or something? Get a spa day?" Kotetsu asks curiously.

"I mean you look slightly better and all."

"Slightly?" She responds, voice lilting laughingly. "Thanks I'll take that as a compliment. And nope, no spa day. Just crazy old ladies and their love for perfume thats all."

They laugh, snickering at Sakura's misfortune.

"Just like the Daiymo's wife eh? Anyways your clear to go see ya around Saku." Izumo says, waving a hand towards the open gate. "I'll just stay here. For the rest of the day. And month." He says looking bored.

"Well thats what you get when you ditch!" Sakura laughs, as she walks past. "Ja" she says before jumping onto the nearest roof and running towards the Hokage Tower.

* * *

She stops outside the door to the Hokage's office, nodding towards the secretary.

"Is Tsunade-Shisou busy?"

"No, her schedules clear for the day. Though you might need to wake her up so she can do some reports. After all the Kazekage is due to come next week and she still hasn't signed the permit." The Secretary replies, her smile drooping. "Please?" She asks whinging slightly. "She doesn't listen to me at all! Unless I ply her with Sake but then she doesn't do any work either."

"Don't worry I'll get onto it Akani-san."

"Ahh thanks so much Haruno-san, you're a lifesaver. Its great that Shizune-san left to teach the medic-nin at the hospital but now Hokage-sama just doesn't listen!"

She nods in assent, and then waves off the compliment before smiling brightly. "Hey what did I tell you about calling me that? Its Sakura, Sa Ku Ra" She drawls. "And yes, it is fortunate is some ways that Shizune went to teach. At least now we're getting closer to having a competent medic-nin on every team. Which certainly does help in both the field and in staffing the hospital."

Akani nods in confirmation though as a career-chunin specialising in genjutsu she didn't have much experience with the medical arts. She blushes, busying herself by shuffling around some papers as she recalls the previous topic. "But its improper to call you by something other than Haruno-san" she mumbles, ears tinged red. "Anyways please go in."

Sakura just sighs and opens the door. She'll try again later as she always does.

She walks pass the worn doors and sees the elite medic-nin and Hokage lying on her paperwork fast asleep and drooling. Sweatdropping, she walks tentatively forwards and pokes her in the shoulder.

"Shisou? Wake up."

The blonde heap just snores louder, foregoing her ninja-senses in favour for sweet, sweet sleep.

"Tsunadeeeee wake up~" Sakura just trills again, poking even harder though ready to jump away at the slightest movement. Tsunade was scary when she woke up.

"Ughhhhh…..whyyyyyy" The Hokage groans, batting a hand vaguely towards Sakura. "Shut up I'm trying to sleep."

"You have work to do and a village to run." She just deadpans in response. "I'll let you go back to sleep after you finish doing your job."

"You are a slavemaster dear apprentice of mine. You should bow down to me and fetch me some more Sake instead of forcing me to do" she pauses, clear disgust lancing her visage. "…paperwork." She smirks afterwards to emphasise her amusement. Sakura just sighs, shaking her head used to Tsunade's attitude.

"Yes yes now sign this" she pulls the permit for the Kazekage from the wilted pile of papers and hands it to her. "Then this and then this" she follows, ordering the paperwork after a brief scan.

"Can't you just do my work for me?" Tsunade whines as she signs the papers blindly.

"I do." Sakura states, arching a brow. "Anyways I finished my mission and eradicated the epidemic of Takuni Village. Here's the report and details of the new disease." She places down a thick manila binder and then snatches up the finished paperwork in preparation for filing.

"Oh and there was a creepy old lady there who poured some perfume on me. Didn't detect any poisons though so it should be alright."

Tsunade raises her eyebrows in mild shock before breaking out in laughter.

"A old civilian elder managed to pour perfume on a Jounin Shinobi who is an apprentice of mine?" She snarks before quirking a smile. "I think you need some more training."

Sakura pales slightly at the idea of repeating the sadistic training before reddening in embarrassment.

"She was fast." Sakura mumbles slightly and shifts her eyes away.

Tsunade laughs again before beckoning her closer with a glowing hand, and checking over for any signs of poison.

"Well you're all fine so no worries. Are you sure she poured perfume on you and not tinted water? I don't smell or see anything different." At Sakura's disagreement, she just shrugs her shoulder. "Then it should be fine. Probably just a prank or a old lady's idea of fun. Though I do expect some extra training." Her lips twitch in amusement.

"Ha Ha thanks for your concern. Anything else?" Sakura asks, itching to return home. At Tsunade's affirmative nod she deflates slightly before gazing back at her.

"Have I recently told you how amazing you are and how nice and kind and sma-" She stops as Sakura holds up a hand, palm facing outwards before narrowing her eyes in distrust.

"What do you want? You're not this unnecessarily nice without reason." The Hokage laughs it off before smiling.

"Thanks for volunteering to guide the Kazekage around when he arrives! How very kind of you, just what I expected from my favourite pink-haired medic."

"I'm the only pink-haired medic." Sakura rebuts before relenting to Tsunades cheery smile. "Fine I'll do it but just because we need to foster village relationships."

Tsunades smiles in response, tossing her the scroll with related details, before looking gloomily at the pile of work still left to do.

"I swear this thing gets bigger and bigger the second I look away." She says before looking eagerly over to Sakura. "Say you want to help your dear old teacher-"

Sakura turns to leave, waving goodbye over her shoulder.

"Sorry, gotta go now. I'm sure you'll be fine on your own after all you are the great Tsunade-sama no?" Shaking her head as she overhears the loud laments of despair, she leaves the building. "And do your work otherwise I'll make sure Shizune comes up here and takes away all your drinks!"

* * *

Sakura had just left the building before running into Shikamaru who was accompanied by a younger Chunin who, by the looks of it, had only recently been promoted.

"Hey Shika whats up?" She asks, before hugging him. When Sasuke ( **'The utter asshole who is a dick'** Inner shouts angrily) had left, and then when Naruto went away for training, she had gotten closer to the other members of the Rookie 9. Even when Naruto had returned, she still remained close with the others though Naruto was arguably her best friend. And then Gai's team joined turning the Rookie 9 to Konoha included Shika, her Shogi/Go rival, fellow tactician and favourite cloud-watching buddy. Not to mention, sparring with someone with both the brains and the ability to control shadows was incredibly interesting and great training.

She looks up slightly confused as Shikamaru stiffens ever-so-slightly in her grip. Normally he would reluctantly fold a arm around her back before pushing her away after the usual 15 seconds as it would be too 'troublesome' to hold a hug for too long. Except now he was slightly awkward and making no moves at all. In fact it was as if he had stopped breathing as well.

Pushing herself backwards she looks up beneath her lashes, emerald eyes sharpening with confusion.

"You okay?" She asks, poking his chest.

That seemed to snap himself out of his mood, nostrils flaring as he inhaled deeply. He was looking at Sakura as if he had never seen her before.

"Shika?" Sakura asks now slightly creeped out.

He shakes his head, hair slightly bobbing in the wind before wiping his hand down his face.

"Hey" he drawls as he stuffs his hands into his pockets, slouching forwards as if whatever happened hadn't just happened.

 _What the hell was that?_

 **'That my dear self.'** Inner Sakura squeals. **'Is a man who finally sees how damn sexy we are!'** Inner Sakura fistpumps to this, before falling over as hearts replace eyes.

 _Ha Ha as if._ Sakura replies flippantly. _Its something else._

She stares at Shikamaru before placing the incident out of her mind. If he wanted to ignore it then so would she. Honestly, she was probably just exaggerated whatever that had just happened. Maybe the perfume was a mild hallucinogen? But Tsunade had said it was safe.

"Nothing much, just finished up a mission which Kuno-san attended as a medic." Shikamaru's voice breaks her train of thought as he nods towards the nervous shinobi half-hidden behind him. "Gotta deliver the report and give a verbal affirmation of his skills, how troublesome." He sighs, eyes half-lidded and looking for all intents as if he was about to fall asleep.

The medic behind him inches towards her, admiration flooding his eyes.

"H-hi Haruno-sama. Its a pleasure to meet you and I g-greatly admire your work and contributions specifically the recent improvements you suggested in helping the Biopsy surgery concerning pituitary adenoma tumours." He pauses, gaining confidence as Sakura shoots a smile towards him. "Would you mind terribly if I called you Sakura-san? Oh and if you have the time, would you possibly help advise me in performing more specified surgeries?"

Sakura begins to speak before a sharp cough breaks both Kuno's and her own concentration. Shikamaru pushed himself slightly forwards, looking disapprovingly towards Kuno.

"Sakura- _chan_ " he seemed to emphasise. "Is terribly busy as the head medic of the hospital. If you need extra help I'm sure Shizune-san, as your medical teacher would be more than willingly to help you Kuno." He spoke the last part in a slow drawl which to most would seem as if nothing was wrong. But Sakura had been friends with Shikamaru for ages and could detect that a trace of annoyance had tinged the speech. Not to mention, he had dropped the honorifics. Either they were closer than she had assumed, or he was being deliberately rude. Confused she glances towards him, only to see a spark of smugness tracing his brown orbs.

"Anyways Kuno, we need to go. Sakura-chan lets meet up at Eno-BBQ tonight? We deserve a reunion now that most of the groups back." He says, tilting his head backwards.

Sakura was surprised. Normally she or the others would have to convince Shika to hang out. Never had he really offered to go without being nagged.

"Yeah thats great. Did you already arrange it?"

He shakes his head and stuffs his hands further into his pockets.

"Lets meet at 8. I'll tell Ino and the others to come. Anyways she's been bugging me about how she missed having a group hang out, troublesome woman." He rolls his shoulders back and slouches down.

Sakura sends him a affirmative smile, causing the lightest specks of red to dapple his cheeks. Blinking she leans in closer, causing the dots to become larger.

"Shika~" She says, smile becoming wider. "Are you blushing?" Laughing she smirks at him. "I can't believe you're blushing cause you listened to Ino-pig and arranged to hang out." She assumes, wrongly.

Shikamaru's eyes widen slightly before returning back to their hooded state.

"...troublesome woman." He mumbles waving a hand in dismissal.

Sakura just grins before glancing back towards a downtrodden Kuno.

"Oh and Kuno-san? Its fine you can call me Sakura." She smiles towards him, causing his eyes to lighten.

"T-thank you Sakura-san!" He chirpily says.

Shikamaru just groans before turning away and walking into the Hokage Tower. "Kuno lets go. Saku I'll see you later." He says, nodding towards her as he walks.

Kuno quickly bows towards her before scampering after the Jounin, soon to be Anbu. He rushes into the building, chasing the Pineapple like hair of his Commander.

Sighing Sakura, runs a hand through her hair before jumping onto a nearby roof to begin the journey to her apartment.

 _Yes bubble-bath time!_

* * *

Shikamaru P.O.V

He was confused.

Yes Sakura was a close and good friend of his but why had he reacted like that? Especially towards Kuno, who he had been alright with before he had asked Sakura if he could call her more intimately than he had any right to. A brief pang of annoyance and anger buzzed through his head, causing his hands to twitch into fists in his pockets as he left the building. Suddenly Kuno was just more annoying and troublesome than he had been previously and he was happy he could wipe his hands clean from him. Hopefully he wouldn't have to see him for a while, and Sakura wouldn't have to see him ever.

He knew he was acting illogically.

But when he had seen Sakura after she had left on her mission which took 3 weeks, she had just looked so...different.

But not really, he knew that really the only change was that her hair had grown slightly longer. Her skin hadn't tanned, her eyes were still that brilliant fiery green which sparkled in the light and why was he now waxing poetically on her eyes?

Shikamaru was alarmed.

Yes Sakura had always been pretty but now she seemed gorgeous. Her humour was appreciated, as was her gentleness and sternness and even her sudden bouts of anger didn't seem as troublesome as they used to be.

And to the point that he had even arranged to meet again with her. Though with the others so it wouldn't seem like a ... date. A part of him thrummed with happiness due to that word, and he shivered at his response. He blocked off that thought.

And now he had to go around the village, find the rest of Rookie 9/Konoha 11 and make sure they attend. Something his lazy self was protesting against furiously. And all because of some girl. Next time he vowed, he would remain calm and not act stupid.

"How Troublesome"

* * *

Sakura shimmied into loose black shorts and a dull crimson shirt with the Haruno ring embellished in white on the front pocket. These were closer to a civilian style but were made of fortified material and contained hidden pockets. As much as she loved her outfit, there was only so long she could go wearing the same style. Not to mention this would be a casual dinner.

And she really wanted to show off her new shirt to Ino-pig.

They had grown up but Fashion is Fashion. She could kick butt in style.

She slid on her favourite pair of black boots before adjusting her hiati-ate. Running a hand through pink strands she adjusted the red fabric and decided that she should probably get a haircut soon. She slipped a couple of senbon into her long-sleeved shirt before striding out of the door.

 **'Hot damn we look good!'** Inner Sakura boasted. **'All the guys are gonna be falling for us tonight!'**

 _No. Just no._

 **'Whyyyy just flirt okay? And we gotta see if the perfume works or not. Come on you know you wanna'** Inner pleaded. **'All our friends are just so hot, mmm we should see if we can get Kiba or Neji into bed.'**

Sakura blushed as Inner filled her head with graphic m-rated images.

 _Stop being such a pervert inner!_ She admonished.

 **'Hey just saying but I'm you so its you who's a perve.'** Inner cackles in amusement.

Sakura just stuffs Inner back into the tiny box in her mind. A part of her reminds her that she could remove Inner but that would only deprive her of a suitable mental defence. Which Inner turned out to become. So despite her aggravating otherself, Inner had to stay as she protected her mind. Not that it meant she couldn't shut her away if needed.

But she couldn't help think over what she had said.

Because Sakura was a bit of a pervert, though a closet one. But so what! She was mature and if she could kill men at 12 then she could certainly have perverted thoughts at 17.

And it didn't help that Ino had relayed stories of her sexual exploits to her whenever they happened.

Which was often. At least until she started to date Chouji often. Yeah she hadn't really seen it coming either.

And Ino-pig's teasing that she was a virgin didn't help her pride either.

 _Shannaro! That just means my first has to be with an amazing guy! I'll beat that Ino-pig!_

She pauses as she stops in front of the restaurant, jumping down from the roof and landing without a sound. Silently she treads into the building, pushing open the glass door. Most Shinobi restaurants contained windows which allowed those from the inside to look outside but prevents the opposite from happening. She walks past the tables, seals preventing conversations from escaping but still creating the hum of a crowd until she reaches the table in which most of the Rookie 9 and Gai's team sat.

"Billboard-brow over here!" Ino waves mentioning towards a empty seat next to her and opposite Kiba who seemed to be sniffing deeply. The rest of the Shinobi turn towards her, previously aware of her presence but now paying attention.

The conversation stops.

Sakura blinks in mild confusion as the stares grow stronger.

She had been aware that when she had walked into the building, some of the ninjas on the tables had looked at her. She had assumed that it was due to the fact that the Hokage's apprentice was back. To be honest, she had mostly ignored it, too used to looks whenever she was with Tsunade or Naruto and Sasuke (the dick) when she was younger.

But this was different.

"Hey?" She asks, slightly confused. "Something wrong?"

As if breaking a spell the stares stop. And Lee jumps up onto his seat in the booth before waving exuberantly and striking a nice guy pose. Complete with shining teeth and thumbs up.

"Cherry Blossom you seem to sparkle with Youth! Your hair glistens in the light and the Power of Youth floods from your soul having me, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast astounded by your youthfulness! Since I am dedicated to my powerful, amazing Tenten who strikes awe in all those who see her I wish to reach a level of youth worthy of such a person! If I cannot reach your level of YOUTH I will run 500 laps around Konoha on my hands. And if I cannot do that I will climb the Hokage mountain with only my fingers carryi-"

Naruto pulls down Lee harshly, breaking his speech as he realised that Sakura looked both confused and amused which was not Good. He felt really protective tonight and it didn't help that Sakura smelt really, really good. And looked amazing. Even towards Lee though he knew that Lee would never cheat on Tenten. Both because Lee loved her and that Naruto knew she would cut Lee's dick off if he did.

"What Brushy Brows is trying to say without getting Tenten angry, Sakura-chan, is that you look hot!" He shouts in order to distract himself, only to see Sakura twitch a fist towards him. "Not that you weren't before eheh" He replies scratching his neck and looking off to the side sheepishly.

She leans over to punch him on the shoulder, somewhat lightly as she was in a good mood, and slides into the empty seat as he suddenly exhales. "Thanks Naruto, thats nice of you to say. But I haven't done or changed anything."

Ino leans forward, poking a perfectly manicured fingernail into her side, causing a small yelp to emerge from her lips.

 _I Hate being ticklish._

"So Billboard-brow what did you do to make all the guys so-" Ino pauses looking around at the others who had returned tentatively to their conversations before leaning in closer. "Horny?"

Sakura starts causing Ino to laugh like crazy.

"Aww poor innocent Sakura" she teases before getting serious again. "So no really. What did you do?"

"Would you believe me if I said nothing?" She asks, causing Ino to frown and look at her pleadingly.

"Sakura I'm not dumb." Ino says, flipping her bottle-blonde hair over her shoulder. "You must've done something to cause them to act like that all of a sudden. Even though I can't really see what."

"I really didn't do anything. Other than have a crazy old lady pour some perfume on me-" Sakura stops, her mind working fast

"Really? I don't smell anything Forehead." She says, somewhat in disbelief. Ino leans forwards, peeking into her eyes before realising that Sakura spoke the truth. "Fine. Anyways you would not believe what had happe-" Ino fades out as Sakura thinks hard before realising what may of happened.

 **'Oh My God.'** Inner Sakura squeals, clasping her 'hands' together. **'Did the perfume actually work?! Holy shit all the guys are gonna be crawling to me YES!'**

Sakura paused and couldn't help but let a blush crawl over her neck as she admitted that, yes, it would be really cool if that did happen.

But obviously that would be nigh impossible. Unless it released some form of hormones? But even then the smell had gone so no, probably not. Maybe it was some form of Jutsu? She hadn't read that it was possible to alter with liquids to cause chemical changes in specified people's brains after the liquid had been removed. Confused and slightly worried she turned her attention back to Ino who was in the middle of her rant on some spa creams and how she really wanted some.

Even with a boyfriend, Ino would kill for beauty techniques. Or at least torture.

"-and then I decided that there really was no point going to Yumi for her herbal hair masks if her own hair had split ends. I knew it was a scam! So I decided that if you want it done right, you better do it yourself or-"

Sakura fades out as she checks herself again to see if anything was weird. Not that she didn't trust her earlier scan nor Tsunade's scan but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 _Hey Inner, can you check for me as well?_

A quick pause occurred before she replied. **'Nothings wrong at all so lets just enjoy our sexiness! We could get laid! We could get a boyfriend! Boyfriends! Saku we HAVE to take advantage of the crazy lady's magic! I mean if giant constructs of chakra can destroy countries than a magical potion which causes boys to look at us isn't too far out of reach right? And it was the LAST one.'** She trills before sending numerous images of her with the guys around the table, and some others which included Kakashi-sensei (she shivers for a second as she realised she had momentarily thought yum. And then thought it again. The age difference wasn't too large was it? Mmm)

Silently she realised that she didn't have much to lose. And she really wanted to show Sasuke-Teme-jerk-dick that she wasn't hung up over him and that she certainly could get other guys. Not that he would really care, but she knew it was a step to complete recovery.

 _Fine._

 **'Fine? FINE?! YES. Look out Boys Sakura is ready to kick ass!'**

 _Tomorrow_ _._

 **'Really?'** Inner whined, pouting.

 _Yes._

 **'No young lady you are going to go get those guys tonight! Starting with that smexy dog-boy opposite you!'**

 _You know what Inner? Cause of that I'm starting after 72 hours._

 **'But-'**

 _Finish and I won't do it at all._

 **'Yes Ma'am! Your word is my command'** Inner saluted before disappearing back into the recesses of Sakura's mind.

* * *

The rest of the dinner had passed quite quickly, with the boys of the group stealing quick glances at Sakura. Not to mention Kiba and Naruto had spent a majority of the time sniffing and looking as if they had overdosed on soldier pills. She knew that according to the old lady's words it was cause those with high chakra and senses were affected heavier, but it didn't make it any better.

Hopefully it would fade away over the next three days.

Not to mention she had decided to only really talk to Ino and the girls. After eating her meal, and being politely quiet and giving one word answers with the excuse that she was exhausted from her mission, she was actually really tired and just wanted to go home to lay out her battle plans and sleep.

But Ino said otherwise.

"Forehead I haven't seen you in ages. And a reunion calls for-" she pauses in attempts to raise tension, "a sleepover!"

And now, somehow, it resulted with Sakura snuggling on her bed in light blue pjs surrounded by Ino, Hinata and Tenten who were all discussing her love life after several bottles of her favourite sake which had been gifted by Tsunade.

Not to mention she had been forbidden to burn away the alcohol with medical Chakra, not that she really wanted to, so she was slightly tipsy as well.

"Forehead you really need to get a boyfriend!" Ino was an obnoxious and loud drunk, even more so than usual.

"I mean I have my chubby-wubby Chouji, Tenten has Lee, Hinata even has Lil Shino after she finally got over that dumbass."

"N-naruto isn't a dumbass Ino-chan" Hinata stutters slightly, beginning to put her fingers together before stopping. After starting to date Shino and kicking ass, combined with the fact that Naruto had left for a couple years had gotten Hinata over her crush and also given her confidence. However when it came to Naruto, she still got slightly shy though it was only leftover nerves.

"But I gotta agree with Ino" Tenten mutters as she sips from her glass, dressed in long pjs covered with Kunai motifs. "You need a Love Life Saku. And we're gonna help you. Especially now that loads of guys seem interested!" She continues with a deadly twinkle in her eye before rounding up all the other girls in a circle, excluding Sakura. They whispered intensely, furiously scribbling something in a notebook as they hissed out there 'genius' plan.

Sakura couldn't help but wonder if fate had it out for her.

Though it did help that she now had the supposedly 'magical' perfume helping her as well.

After a quarter of an hour passed, the girls had finished and turned back to stare at Sakura.

And stare and stare and stare.

Finally she could take it no longer.

"Fineeee. I'll agree to whatever plan you're concocting. Like Evil Witches thats what you are." Sakura says as she pulls back her hair into a short scruffy ponytail. "Just stop making those scary faces."

"Good! I knew you'd agree forehead-chan!" Ino belts out, pointing a finger towards Sakura's face. "We have, after great cons..idatain. Considenatcien. Cons...ideration! Yeah Consideration and 5 seconds of intense hard work." Sakura raises an eyebrow but Ino just continues on. "Made a list of guys who are hot and single and did we say hot?"

"Yes" Sakura responds dryly, chuckling at the sight of a tipsy Ino.

"Anyways you need to at least kiss everyone on this list! No exceptions! NOPE" Tenten continues as she passes the book over to Sakura.

"Sakura-chan its for your own good." Hinata mumbles, cheeks flushed from the sake and embarrassment.

Sakura smiles at her before looking down to read the list. And then almost freaks out because holy shit they are drunk if they chose some of those people.

* * *

 **The List of 13**

 **(OF Romantic Buddies for our SAKU)**

 **By INO the AMAZING, HINATA le CUTIE, TENTEN da GREAT**

1\. Kiba (I mean did you see him tonight. He's got da hots for da hottie!)

2\. Naruto (Cuz like Hina says its all good and that boy needs to become a Man. By a WOMAN!)

3\. Kakashi (Nobodys gonna say no to dat bootie)

4\. Shikamaru (Imagine him. You. CHOCOLATE)

5\. Sai (DUDE HAVE U SEEN HIS ABS HOLY guacamole...)

6\. Genma (Senbon = tongue. Tongue skils = Heaven)

7\. Gaara (LOVE HIS HAIR)

 _LETS TAKE IT UP A NOTCH_

8\. Deidara (EVIL CRAZY PPL + CUTIE PIE = SANITY plus have u seen his hair)

9\. Hidan (LETS GO ALL OUT WITH CRAZY FRUITLOOPS)

10\. ujhhh

11\. HOT PPL

12\. PUNCH SASUKE. WITH UR LIPS

13\. DON'T

* * *

"Guys. This list is crazy."

The girls look at Sakura like she had just said the world apocalypse was upon them.

"Three of these choices aren't even choices. So its list of 10 not 13." She states. "3 are our archenemies, with one being a certified asshole who broke my heart. The other almost killed Gaara and the other one almost killed Ino's Sensei. One is my sensei. And another is the freikin Kazekage!"

"Yeah so? They're all hot." Ino replies, confused as she continues to drink from her cup. "Plus 13 sounds more scary than 10."

"What the hell people, how are you" Sakura stops, pauses and then continues without much thought. "You know what I give up."

The girls perk up, swaying slightly in their spot.

"And I want you to know that if I finish this list you guys owe me shit. And all of you have to dress like Lee. For. One. Whole. Year." She smirks evilly, rubbing her hands together. No way would they say yes meaning Sakura would be free without looking like a coward.

"Sure." All three chorus. Perhaps if they had been sober it might've realised what they were getting into if Sakura completed the list of 10. But they weren't.

And neither was Sakura.

As much as she was like her Shishou, she still couldn't hold her alcohol (though it did sound like it. See Sakura was a bad-thinking smart-sounding drunk) But she liked bets. And gambles. And this was a form of it so Sakura was screwed.

And so the pact was made with much regret which would only emerge later, the ladies went to sleep and Sakura opened her new, personal hell.

And Inner Sakura?

Yeah she was happy.

* * *

 **Now I'd like you to know I SUCK at writing drunk people and Lee. Sorry if Characters are OC but as the writer I have control MWHHAA. Also Asuma lives cuz I like him. (P.S this is in Sakura P.O.V though sometimes I'll switch over like Shika) Please excuse the random plot cause I am making it up as I go. Anyways I am writing this at 1am with my exam tmrw so please excuse mistakes. This is unbetaed!**

 **Also I want your advice, what type of chapters should I write? Long like this one but detailed-ish (boom 5662 words) or shortish and sweet. I leave it to you, my dear readers. Thanks for reading, and until later. (after I probably will re-edit this) A Rabid Fan**


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